Better alone than lonely
Welcome to our lifestyle segment. This is all about uplifting and encouraging the woman with purpose so if you know that you are a woman with purpose read on.
IT IS BETTER TO BE ALONE THAN LONELY.
If you are single and have decided that you want to be in a partnership there is absolutely nothing wrong with that – even the good book in Genesis says that it is not good for man to be alone. However, you must know, that there is a distinct difference between being alone and feeling lonely. Knowing the difference will ensure that you make the right choice when it comes to settling down with your life partner. There is nothing wrong with being alone because it either means a) you just haven’t met your compatible significant other yet or b) you do not feel the need to be in a partnership. If you feel lonely then it may mean that you feel that there is a space in your life that must be filled. However, sometimes we make the mistake of thinking that our lives must be filled with a romantic relationship instead of trying to fill it with a hobby or spending more time with friends, family and/or God.
The feeling of loneliness (which is more to do with your state of mind) can cause you to compromise on what you really desire. Living in Africa, with its strong culture of family, can sometimes make you feel pressured into being part of a relationship that you really do not need to be in.
Take my friend Abena for example (her name is changed for the purposes of the article) she has been married to Patrick (whose name has also changed) for four years and they have one daughter together. Abena and Patrick were the envy of most couples as they seemed to have the perfect looks, with the perfect baby, with their perfect jobs, earning perfect money, with their perfect house, with their perfect cars and their perfect family network. So what is the problem you ask? Well actually I didn’t think there was one until Abena called me up just over two months ago. She was crying whilst telling me, not only was she not happy in her marriage but she had never really been happy with Patrick. Abena went on to tell me that she felt like she was suffocating because she was living a lie concerning her marriage and even her career.After I got over the initial shock I asked her why she got married to Patrick if she knew that she was not happy with him. She told me that their respective families had put pressure on them to get married. My friend admitted that she got married even though there were warning bells she had about Patrick but she just wanted to be married. Abena told me that things had gotten so bad with her and her husband, they did not communicate unless it concerned their beautiful daughter. According to her Patrick always got home late from work and when he finally settles down to bed he never wants to talk only when he wants sex. I asked her what the cause of their distance was and she told me that there was not any real reason but it was always like that, it had just gotten worse over the years.The next thing that Abena said really struck me – ‘I got married because I didn’t want to be alone but yet since being married to Patrick I have never felt so lonely, when we are together it feels awkward there is always a distance between us.’Isn’t that an irony? Alone in a marriage.
I have known Abena a long time and when I look back I realize that Abena has always been in a relationship, I do not ever remember her being without a man. It was no secret to Abena’s friends that when Abena got into relationships she seemed to get lost. What is a big shame is that Abena seemed so passionate about being a fashion designer yet she never seemed to pursue that dream. I used to ask her when she was going to take up a course in fashion, she would always respond by saying she never had the time which was odd considering that she would call me at times to say she was bored (particularly when Patrick wasn’t around).I wanted to ask her why she was not happy in her career but felt making her think about that then would only have made her feel worse. This is in no way a judgement of my friend; I know many of us have been there, putting more into our relationships than our personal goals.
Abena ended the call by telling me that she was going to get a divorce. I have been speaking to her since and have tried to advise her to get marriage counseling something she is still contemplating.I really hope they do not go down the divorce route. Although this isn’t the best situation, I was happy to hear that she was finally looking to pursue a course in dressmaking. Abena’s experience got me thinking about one making a concerted effort to follow their dreams whether or not they are in a relationship.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to be in a relationship but we should make sure it is for the right reasons, otherwise we may end up facing the very thing we tried to avoid. It is better to be alone than be in a relationship and feel lonely.